2017-18 has been a season to forget. Mind you, we’ve had a few bright spots. And plenty of dark ones too. To try and quantify this turgid 9 months, I’ve rated every player to make an appearance for Posh this year out of ten.

Jermaine Anderson– Anderson’s entire season has been one of recovery from 2 terrible knee injuries. It may be harsh of me to score him so lowly, but he looks a totally different player, and not in a good way. Only played a bit part this season, and suffered the indignity of being hooked after half an hour on his last start. 3/10

Jack Baldwin- An error prone defender who was handed the skipper’s armband last year, earning him nicknames such as ‘Captain Chaos’, ‘Captain Cockup’ and ‘YOU BLOODY LIABILITY BALDWIN!’. He may be good at visiting primary schools and hosting barbecues, but he isn’t as gifted when it comes to passing to his teammates and tackling like a normal person. 4/10

 

Jack Baldwin’s barbecue: If you look over Captain Jack’s shoulders, those kids were reacting to his season ‘highlights’

 

Omar Bogle- Bogle was loaned in on deadline day in January. He was expected to add the bit of attacking quality we needed. He did not. Despite scoring once, two managers allegedly weren’t fond of his attitude, with Grant McCann freezing him out before Steve Evans sent him back to Cardiff in March. Why did we sign him? The mind Bogles. 2/10

Jonathan Bond– Bond has been alright this year. He was outstanding in the early part of the season, with a man of the match display on his debut. Questions have been raised of his command of the box and distribution, and Steve Evans clearly doesn’t fancy the Reading loanee. However, Evans may let Bond’s Posh career die another day (season). GEDDIT? 6/10

Andrea Borg– Borg played five minutes for us this season. He has scored so highly because unlike most on this list, he didn’t actually do anything wrong. 5/10

Callum Chettle– I forgot this bloke existed. Played twice apparently. See Andrea Borg for justification. 5/10

 

Steve Chettle’s son: The sooner Posh move past this trend of signing the relatives of good footballers the better

 

George Cooper– Heir to Marcus Maddison’s throne. It started so well for the big money signing when he scored on his debut. It all went a bit skew whiff after that, as he was the victim of umpteen tactical shifts by Steve Evans and poor fitness due to *ahem* not playing any reserve matches. Finished the season well and appears to have something about him. 6/10

Leo Da Silva Lopes– Oh Leo. Despite playing over 50 matches this season, the attacking midfielder has precisely one assist and no goals. You read that correctly: he has directly contributed to 2% of the matches he’s played this year. This was a crucial season for him to kick on, but he just couldn’t. Some nice flashes and skills, but none with a practical application and his footballing intelligence is that of a toddler. Barry Fry once compared him to George Best. Presumably he meant he’s out on the piss and sleeping with a different supermodel every weekend, because he certainly doesn’t bloody play like Best. 2/10

Michael Doughty– Did you know: if you hold down the play button on your Sky+ remote, it plays whatever you’re watching in slow motion? Yeah, that’s what it looks like has happened to Doughty when he tries to play football. Contributed the odd goal and assist, but his tardy style of play and the fact he tackles like a runaway train drags his rating down. 3/10

A video of Doughty running

 

 

Gwion Edwards– You know what you’re going to get with Gwion. Lots of running, goals and assists. Injury ruined his season and the opportunity for him to score higher here. 7/10

Chris Forrester– A shadow of the man who put on a masterclass at Stamford Bridge last year. At times looked like he belonged at Stamford AFC. Recaptured his form around Autumn, but he wasn’t great, chalking up only 5 assists. If Forrester stays for 2018-19, it really is shit or bust for him. 4/10

Lewis Freestone – Freestone made his debut 12 months ago and was outstanding. The youngster couldn’t build on this promising start, and has generally looked shaky when called upon in his 4 appearances this season. 5/10

 

Anthony Grant – Grant has been N’golo Kante-like at times this season, covering every blade of grass. He’s been the glue holding the side together or the mayonnaise to complement the exciting ingredients in the sandwich. Or the lube to help the ten penises that he usually plays with to function. Not the best footballer in the world, but a very important component. 8/10

Andrew Hughes– Solid. Understated. Reliable. There won’t (or at least shouldn’t) be a great rush to find a new left back for next year. 7/10

Idris Kanu– Runs like a newborn foal and plays football like he hasn’t seen a goal before. 26 games, 0 goals. He isn’t even the best person called Kanu to play for Posh. 1/10

 

Chris Kanu: He was crap, but still better than Idris

Danny Lloyd– Scouser Lloyd made a jump of three divisions to sign for Posh, but you could rarely tell throughout this season. Not the most technically gifted, but 13 goals is a very respectable return for a winger/attacking midfielder. I honestly can’t understand a word he ever says though. 7/10

Marcus Maddison- Maddison has probably played his last game for Posh. He has more assists to his name than crap bits of clothing, and that’s saying something. It’s no coincidence that we’ve lost every game Maddison hasn’t started this season, further highlighting the concerning dependency on him by his team. He misses out on a perfect mark on the basis that a better attitude would have yielded even more goals and assists. 9/10

 

Marcus Maddison: Became nationally (in)famous thanks to an embarrassing dive live on Sky.

Jack Marriott– Nobody expected Marriott to score with such a freakish consistency, but he managed it. Breaking the 30 goal barrier is something that hasn’t been done for Posh since the days of Britt Assombalonga, and it didn’t do him any harm. Everyone knows he’ll be departing PE2, and he deserves a chance in the second tier. Personally, I’m not sure Marriott’s incredible stats reflect his true ability and he will never be more valuable to us. 10/10

Ricky Miller- 2 yellow cards for diving, 1 arrest and 0 goals. Miller’s season was so catastrophically bad that he doesn’t even deserve a real number as a rating. √(-1)/10

Junior Morias- Was a crucial component for 2 months until suffering a horrific injury. When he returned, Grant McCann bizarrely thought he was a central midfielder. Even more bizarrely, Steve Evans refused to play Junior when our attacking options were depleted, thinking a collection of wingers would be more effective partners for Jack Marriott. There’s more chance of me playing for Posh than Morias next year. 6/10

 

 

Junior Morias: A fan favourite, but he’s as good as gone

Conor O’Malley- Played a handful of times for McCann, his last appearance being a horror show during a defeat to Rochdale in November. Steve Evans restored the Irishman to the lineup within weeks of arriving, and although he’s displayed a good shot stopping ability, he hasn’t made a concrete claim on the number one spot for next season. 5/10

Alex Penny- Penny just isn’t very good. I’m not saying it was a dodgy deal, but Nuneaton’s Director of Football Adam Fry received a record fee for Penny from Posh’s Director of Football…. His father, Barry Fry. Did someone say ten percent? 3/10

Liam Shephard– He’s alright. Tackles like a mentalist, but there’s definitely something about him. 6/10

Ryan Tafazolli– He’s a solid footballer. Makes most defences look better, whether that be a back 3 or 4. There was even talk of a call up to Iranian national team for the best looking centre back in English football. Don’t dispute it. 6/10

 

Ryan Tafazolli: Look at him. Dreamy

Steven Taylor- Nobody expected us to sign a player of Taylor’s calibre last year. They certainly didn’t expect the veteran Geordie to stay fit all season either. A no nonsense defender who had a fantastic opening 6 months, before suffering a wobble in form as the season drew to a close. If we can keep hold of him, we really, really should. 8/10

Joe Ward-Ward was signed on the back of a fantastic performance against Posh. On paper, solid reasoning. If we cast our minds back to that match though, Boro put in a display so bad that Darragh MacAnthony refunded all of the Posh fans present that day. Ward belongs in non league unfortunately. He might look like Marcus Maddison, but fucked if he plays like him. 4/10

So, that’s every single performance judged for this season. What has James got totally wrong? There’s bound to be at least one. Have your say on the forum now!

James Bloodworth (jwb1997)

James can be found on twitter as @jamesb17_